I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
