come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
