I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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