hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
