i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
