When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize