i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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