my mouth tastes like poor choices
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she told me i tasted like america
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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