I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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