chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize