You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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