So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
