You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
