So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
