walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
