First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
