when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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