Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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