i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
