Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
