feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
