She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
