He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
