I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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