i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
