you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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