She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is wine microwaveable?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
