No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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