I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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