I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
