At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
