There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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