so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize