woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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