Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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