never play flip cup with pint glasses
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
