winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Semen is not good for contacts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
