Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
