Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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