At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize