I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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