i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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