Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
