Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
