i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
