Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
