Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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