did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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