Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize