i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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