So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
