google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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