i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
