Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
