haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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