Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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