1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
