If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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