Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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