I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
