the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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