FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
