The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
