How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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