I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
