I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
