ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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