I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
