he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
