I must be too annoying 4 u.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
