you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I AM VODKA MAN
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
