I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize